A Tale of Two Men, a Princess and a Gerbil
by Prodigy1
Summary: fary-tale setting with the Youji on a mission! but will he succeed? R&R!


If you come up with a better title, let me know, ne? anyway, this was a quickly scribbled piece that was a last minute english assignment. I'm not telling you what the grade was. But R&R and get my eternal gratitude as well as the knowledge you made the author happy.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Weiß Kreuz, If I did then I would be rich and the boys would spend more time nekkid.  
  
A TALE OF TWO MEN, A PRINCESS AND A GERBIL  
  
"Alright you lot, listen up!" Nagi the town crier yelled from his podium in the square. Youji Kudou, scrap metal dealer/florist, looked up from his work.  
  
"If you ever want to see your precious princess Aya again, then find a Rare Chinese Fighting Gerbil capable of beating the evil warlord Schuldich's current champion. While suspended over a tank of starving Piranhas."  
  
"What?!" the crowd chorused in horror/anger/shock.  
  
"You heard me! Find a Rare Siamese Fightin…OW!!!!" a large rotten tomato hit the crier in the back of the head.  
  
The crowd roared and advanced on him menacingly.  
  
"Don't even think about it." Nagi warned, using his telekinetic powers to keep the rabid crowd at bay. Muttering and grumbling, the crowd retreated.  
  
"Is there a reward?" a young mercenary named Ken Hidaka yelled.  
  
"Yeah. You get to keep the princess!"  
  
Youji's eyes lit up.  
  
Nagi turned and stalked back towards Schwarz Castle, where the evil warlord Schuldich dwelt.  
  
"Stupid freakin shoes…Schu is gonna owe me big-time for this!"  
  
The same thought circled both Ken and Youji's heads:  
  
'Before the full moon strolls the sky, the princess will be MINE!'  
  
And the hunt was on. Lustful young men kingdom-wide were turning pet stores and vet's surgeries upside down in the search for one of the fabled gerbils.  
  
Youji's partner Omi Tsukiyono seemed to be the only sane one left.  
  
"What is the big deal?" he said exasperatedly one night. "Do you even know what this princess looks like?"  
  
"Omi," Youji said patiently, "Princesses are like flowers: they are all beautiful!"  
  
Omi threw his hands in the air and stormed off.  
  
"Yeesh…" Youji muttered, and went back to the bouquet he was working on.  
  
Finally, after calling in a favour from an old friend who ran an underground gerbil-fighting ring, Youji got his hands on a Rare Siamese Fighting Gerbil. Desperately trying to hide his excitement (to stop all the other males in the town mugging him), Youji made his way home to find a certain mercenary sitting on his front stoop with a dagger pressed to Omi's jugular.  
  
"Gimme the gerbil or the kid's a shishkebab!"  
  
Youji thought frantically for a moment before an idea occurred to him.  
  
"Wait…what was your name again?"  
  
"..Ken.." Ken said suspiciously.  
  
"Okay, Ken, how about we fight Schuldich together and share the princess?"  
  
"Hmmm…." Certainly the idea of a threesome didn't strike Ken as bad…. "Okay!"  
  
in the morning, Ken and Youji bade Omi farewell and set off towards the gargantuan castle in the distance. After an hour or so, they arrived at the gates panting like a pair of tired dogs.  
  
"Now what?" Ken asked.  
  
As the words passed his lips, the wrought iron gates creaked ominously and shuddered open. The men exchanged a glance, gulped, and walked in.  
  
BANG!!!  
  
The gates slammed shut behind them.  
  
"Well, I guess that means no turning back, huh?" Youji said with extremely false bravado.  
  
"….." Said Ken.  
  
As they made their way through the dank stone corridors, they couldn't help but feel they were being watched.  
  
A shadow flitted past them with a maniacal giggle.  
  
The two men spun around trying to determine the cause of the unearthly sound, and came face to face with a pale, fearsome looking man.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAARRGHHHHHHHH!!!!!" they screamed. "Who are you?!"  
  
"I'm Farfarello. I'm t'take you ta Schuldich. This place is a maze, and we wouldn't want you ta get lost now, would we?" he said, a heavy Irish accent lilting his speech.  
  
"Uhh…Okay…"  
  
"Follow me Sirs." Farfarello said with a glint in his single amber-coloured eye.  
  
They picked their way through a ruined hall and then wound their way through the labyrinth of corridors into the heart of the castle, finally halting outside a pair of massive oak doors.  
  
"There t'is." Farfarello told them. "Hope you brought a nice strong gerbil!" he cackled, then disappeared into the shadows. Taking a couple of deep breaths, Youji and Ken raised their hands to the large brass knocker on the door and….  
  
It burst open and the two were almost flattened by Schuldich and his evil cohort Bradley.  
  
Dumbstruck, all Youji and Ken could do was watch as the villains ran for their lives. Stopping and calling back to them, Schuldich yelled, "You can keep your psychotic bloody princess! WE don't want him!" then continued to flee.  
  
*blink blink*  
  
"What?" asked a very confused Ken.  
  
Just then, the lovely princess made an appearance.  
  
"…." Was all that would come out of the gerbil fighter's mouths.  
  
The princess had blinding red hair, piercing violet eyes, and from the upraised katana and the outfit worn by said princess, it was blatantly obvious that….  
  
"You're a MAN?!"  
  
"Of course!" the princess-ahem-PRINCE sniffed. "And if you would kindly get out of my way, I have a court to return to."  
  
He strode down the stairs, round a corner and disappeared from view.  
  
"Well, THAT was a complete and utter waste of time." Said a thoroughly peeved Youji.  
  
Suddenly, there came a loud cry of disgust.  
  
"Eww!!! A dead rat!!! SOMEONE is going to buy me new boots!!!"  
  
"Uhh…Youji?" Ken turned to his companion. "Where did you put the gerbil?"  
  
  
  
1 THE END  
  
R&R!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
Note: a katana is a sword. 


End file.
